Reader Question:

Me: 46 yrs . old, African-American male, professional profession, resident, attractive, 20-year-old son. I date outside of my personal competition. I will be in good shape.

This indicates up to ladies want to have a committed union, they don’t really wish invest in me personally. I actually do have a « list » of attractive traits — attractive, able to resolve her finances, a social or nondrinker and someone who is eager and in a position to travel and carry out acts.

Just why is it difficult for females to devote once I give outward signs of planning to take a loyal commitment?

-Mark (Ca)

Dr. Wendy Walsh’s Answer:

Dear Mark,

Yes, a lot of women are behaving like males (or the way they THINK males act) and so are steering clear of dedication. That being said, i am going to let you know you may still find a lot more women who wish a safe connection than not.

I am thinking the reasons why you may seem to-be interested in women who prevent a solid relationship. Could this become your choice in targets?

My tip is always to talk to women whom you might not in the beginning end up being drawn to and view if you warm up for them. Often all of our inability discover a secure connection is related to our very own fears of abandonment.

Quite simply, we selected associates just who can’t get near to protect you from getting « dangerously » shut and exposure abandonment.

Try matchmaking the kind of person you have never, ever dated prior to. Go-slow. And look closely at your emotions along the way.

Will you be conveniently envious, desire to control her time or desire to close the offer too quickly? The secret to success would be to contain your self and quell your fears.

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